Thursday, October 12, 2006

let go

We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are. – Anais Nin

You convinced me to go to Cuba with you. I’d already been, and loved it so much, I was willing to forgo the fact that our relationship had ended. As we shopped for bikinis, shorts and sun dresses, I watched you, wondering, “Is this the right thing to do?” As if you could read my mind, you looked at me over the body of a mannequin and assured me that we’d have a great time.

I left packing for the last minute; having done this twice this year already I knew what I should bring, and what could stay behind. And at the airport I stood waiting to board with my ticket in hand, panicking. I shouldn’t do this. This is a bad idea. It felt like the fear of flying. Though this time I didn’t worry about the plane’s turbulence, I worried about ours. But I boarded anyways, and once we were up in the air, I started to think about our last vacation in an effort to pacify myself. Maybe it could have been different. Though, I’d still remember it the way it was, truly; excited early mornings that greeted us with the scent of the ocean, sleepy faced guests washed in warm sun, the creaky doors, wet bathroom floors, matching flip flops, sunburns, and Sunsets.

I knew it wouldn’t be any different, to you, or me. You’d see it the way you believed it happened, and so would I.

Though I know you’ll never read this, I am putting it out there, to let you go, for you to carry on; healthy, happy and fulfilled. I am sorry. I am sorry for what happened. I am sorry that I upset you. But more than anything, I am sorry I lost your friendship. I wish that you achieve your wildest dreams, your deepest hopes and your heart’s desire.

1 comment:

Buffy said...

'the fear of flying'

This phrase sums up the emotion so well.