Friday, August 25, 2006

just to be better

I want to stop wanting something better. I want to stop wanting things I can’t have. I want for it to be alright for me to be sad. I want to know how people really see me. And then I never want to care about it again.

I want you to only ever say hello, never goodbye. I want to stop being afraid of people. Of myself. I want you to make me feel better, not just wish you could. I want people to understand me. I want for it to be alright for me to be me.

I want to know that I’m valued. I want to stop attracting my worst fears. I want to be brave. I want to stop being destructive. Self, or otherwise. I want to stop being hurt. I want to stop covering it up.

I want to stop looking at my life and seeing so much wrong with it. I want to only see the good, never the bad. I want to speak softer, be more kind. I want to handle difficult situations gracefully.

I want to be okay, even indifferent when I see you together. I want to understand why it couldn’t work out with us, and learn. I want to stop making the same mistakes. I want to be comfortable with a new path.

I want to know that what I see is indeed the truth. I want to just let go, fall, and know that I’ll be safe. I want to see the good in you, and I only want to know that of you. I want to know all your stories, without having to pry.

I want to go to bed every night satisfied. I want to be undeniably happy, and I want to shout it from the roof tops. I want someone to want. And have them want me right back. I want to know when I’ve got a good one, and stop fucking it up. I want to never want again.


Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

lovely writing. i'm now a regular reader.