Sunday, July 16, 2006

hyde

You’re bigger, stronger, faster.

You’re not Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde – you’re Hyde through and through, and I wish she had seen it earlier. She’d bush it off, the way you’d yell at her for over boiling the pasta. She’d swallow hard, but never react when you’d get mad at her for being late. She’d explain to her friends that you were just drunk when you slapped her for talking to the bartender.

Her family watched in fear when you’d handle her a little too roughly. The bruises were hard to dismiss, but she’d cover for you. She loved you, but she was afraid of you. She was afraid to upset you, make you angry, she feared that she would lose you if she ever told anyone that you pushed her down the stairs.

She obeyed you, learning to do things the way you wanted them. But no one is perfect, and sometimes she would forget. Your neighbours would sit on the edge of their seats, phone in hand, prepared to dial 911 at the first note of a scream. You would never allow her friends or family to visit, afraid that they would know how you control her. But behind your back her sister would visit and in soothing tones would tell her to get out.

“But I love him,” was always her response. She loved you despite the sex becoming too rough, your hands becoming too hard. She only wanted to make you happy, and when she failed, you punished her. You held her under your thumb, under your body. You’re suffocating the life from her.

I was watching last night, from the pitch darkness of my room. I head you making threats, banging your fist on the side of the van. Four letter words spilled out of your mouth one after the other. With the cut of one ‘C’ word, I lunged for the phone. You’ve got four letter words, and a five fingered fist – I’ve got three digits.

In a back alley, under a street lamp, you put your hands to her again. This time when she screamed, everyone heard. Much to my dismay, the Police didn’t arrive in time. Though it is my sincere hope they found your sorry, coward ass and gave you a licking that will lay you up in a hospital for weeks. And I hope she leaves you, lying broken in a hospital bed. Fucker.

But, no matter how strong you are, no matter how big you are, no matter how far or fast you go, you can’t out run God.

6 comments:

gamblingchick said...

wow. your blog and your writing is fantastic. I have so much to say...I hope your girl leaves that f**ker and on all the other stuff, I've got your back.....

Buffy said...

It's sad...that so many of us know women like this. And Men like that.

Manic Mom said...

Wow, very powerful. Well written.

mindy said...

wow. i really like your writing.

Through a Glass Darkly said...

Very well-written. I've read from fairly reliable sources that it takes a woman an average of 8-9 times to leave an abusive man. What are we learning that makes us stay that long?

GraceMarie said...

i had a similar experience a couple of weeks ago, where i could hear a child crying outside my apartment window, saying "i don't want to go, i don't want to go" and a deep voice urging, and a woman's voice supporting her son. then words were exchanged, and i heard the man say "get in there, you f-ing c***." and i yelled, with force that surprised even me, "get out of here, you a**hole!" everything got quiet, and i heard a car door close, not slam, and then the vehicle slowly drove away. i have no idea what happened or who the people were--the guy might live in my building--or if they knew which apartment my voice came from, but i was spooked for a long time. good for you for calling for help--sometimes it's all you can do, and sometimes it can save a life.